9 pet peeves of someone Actually Autistic.

I’ve been asked this question, and I thought it could make a semi-decent blog post; “From your perspective as an Autistic people, what would you like to change?” lead to a conversation about pet peeves.

“You suffer from Aspergers..”

In one respect, I can understand this; from my perspective, I can be highly anxious (though I have no diagnosis for Anxiety), and I do not know how to talk to people-be it initiating conversation, making friends. But: I suffered people who did not understand me, and were wishing to be a bit of a bully at times. Not the fault of my Aspergers.

“Ever thought of curing yourself?”

Well, I have wondered what it would be like to be “normal”. I even wrote about it in a post called “The Wish”. But the implication here was is that I should be cured. Which I would not do if ever given the chance. Why? Read this. 

“I feel sorry for you.”

Why? I think having Aspergers is pretty cool with some assets not considered ‘normal’-enough so that I even wrote a manifesto about it. Don’t pity me.

“All Autistic people are weird.”

Oh, love a stereotype!  This is not weirdness; it’s originality. A square peg in a round hole. And it has such a good use!

“You lack empathy”

* Claps hands slowly in a mocking way”. The thing with empathy is that there are two sorts, I think; divide them into actions and words. I would like to think that my actions demonstrate my empathy for people, as I’m not very communicative.

“You’re so obsessional”

I have a problem with this-enough so that I may follow up in another post. But there’s a ‘double standard’ here; if a neurotypical person has an interest/hobby, it is viewed as normal. Person on spectrum? Yes, they are ostensibly obsessional. But why be derisory when it is a hobby to them, and possibly essential to their wellbeing?

“Can’t you let it go!?”

No. No. No. No. No. Not at all.

“Stop talking!”

I ramble. We know this to be true. If it’s on a topic I know about, I wish to share the amount of stuff that is going on inside my head-facts, opinion, research. But please be polite-there is no need to snap.

“You’re not listening because you’re not looking at me.”

I went into this with a post called “The eye contact problem”; it bugs me how this is still the line of thinking in some circles. But you do not listen with your eyes; rather, I can see a stereotype that makes me feel uncomfortable.

13 Comments

  1. March 15, 2018 / 1:41 pm

    Great post, Lydia! I always look forward to reading your features. Re. the lack of empathy thing. I think it’s quite the reverse with many autistic women – we tend to be over empathetic. It can be exhausting in large groups because we pick up on people’s emotions whether we want to or not. ☹️

    • March 15, 2018 / 3:34 pm

      That’s a good point about the empathy; I wasn’t sure how to articulate well enough for a post. But I once read a fascinating article about how there’s two types of empathy-the words and deeds. 😀

  2. March 15, 2018 / 5:06 pm

    THIS BLOG POST IS EVERYTHING! I literally relate to every single thing that you have said and found myself nodding my head whilst reading. Thank you for sharing such a wonderful blog post! 🌸✨
    With love, Alisha Valerie x

  3. Lisa's Notebook
    March 15, 2018 / 8:34 pm

    I’ve never thought of you as weird or obsessional. To me you are bright, funny, intelligent, kind, and full of all kinds of facts that I love hearing about. I know we haven’t met IRL (yet!) but I feel I’ve got to know you a little through our penpal letters, which I value hugely. And you’re quite right, you have nothing to be cured of, nor any need to be “normal”, whatever that it. You do you and stay the unique original that you are. You’ve achieved so much already, I’m proud to be your penpal and virtual friend. xx
    Lisa

  4. Adam Cutts
    March 16, 2018 / 8:04 am

    Lydia, I am not very good at articulating my emotions and so perhaps here is the best place to record the admiration and respect as well as love I have held for you over the years that I have had the honour to be your step-father. I was close to tears reading all these beautiful comments in response to this blog. I am so happy there are so many others writing such beautiful things about you, recognising your abilities. I am so lucky to have you in my life.

  5. March 16, 2018 / 8:21 pm

    I would say time to focus on my special talent!I am not autistic but I taught them until I retired! I was able to work with many very talented children with autism!

  6. March 18, 2018 / 9:29 pm

    THIS. POST!
    I could resonate so so so so much with the eye contact problem; it’s something I’ve always found difficult. My Gran always used to say you need to look at folk because they will think you’re not listening or paying attention and it’s just something I’ve always struggled with. I can’t hold eye contact. It makes me sweat and triggers my anxiety. This post was so relatable! Totally spot on, as always!!
    Charlene McElhinney

  7. March 18, 2018 / 9:42 pm

    I can’t believe anyone would say those things to you. I think you are wonderful, I love your writing you are so talented and no-one is normal. Normal is boring.

  8. A Cup of Wonderland
    March 19, 2018 / 5:31 pm

    Thank you for sharing! I have lots of friends who are autistic if I’m honest half the time I don’t realise, but they have to put up with this sort of stuff a lot too. You have nothing to be ‘cured’ of though! You aren’t defined by having autism, it’s just apart of you and if people can’t look past that then they aren’t worth it!

  9. March 19, 2018 / 7:30 pm

    Wow. I love this post. I have so many people who would benefit from reading this as well. Happy that you were able to write up and inform us on these pet peeves which are very crucial to understanding others. In my opinion everyone is entitled to the same amount of respect and should not have to feel weird about themselves!

  10. March 30, 2018 / 6:44 am

    I don’t feel like I suffer from Asperger. I suffer from anxiety, ocd, insomnia, and other related things, but I don’t mind the Asperger part. It’s my parents ordering me to make friends and bullies in school and at work that were the worst part.
    I think aspies often have more empathy than the average neurotypical. I took sick feral cats to the vet and paid with money I barely have. I offer help to strangers in need on the street. We just don’t always know how to show it, and I’ve been told my expression is a bit less expressive than most people, but nobody knows what’s going on inside.
    A ‘cure’ would be to not be me. To be someone different. No, thanks.

  11. SpectrumBFF
    April 17, 2018 / 10:32 am

    yeah, I love the “stop talking” one, my friend has ASD and she either talks over me or not at all 🙂

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