Femininity confession

Disclaimer: the intention of this post is not to “bash” anyone, or to discredit their work; it is merely to document what I think. I think the people here that are mentioned in reference are some of the most amazing people.  Please be kind when commenting 🙂

Can I be honest?

I don’t feel like I’ve been a very good female. Like I’ve always been letting the side down, too out of touch with my gender.


Don’t get me wrong; my whole wardrobe is basically dresses and skirts, dresses and skirts, the shorts carefully relegated to the very back of my wardrobe, destined not to see the light of day until way too small. I like eyeliner. I wear jewellery. But…


I have never really felt glamourous. I dislike shopping-the amount of people, coming and going; it is a minefield if you have Aspergers Syndrome. I cannot really understand the sort of conversation designed just to gossip about males. I have never been one for ‘frills’, or sugary pink clothing. (Ugh, gender stereotypes!) I don’t get why people deliberate so much over a pair of shoes; just pick what you like, and buy them. I do not understand putting together a wardrobe, or why it is sometimes necessary to conform, like when in education.

And I feel really silly for this.

One of the things that I cannot always get on board with is…make up. *Runs and hides.* I just find it dull. Boring. Blurgh.

I dislike it for what has already been mentioned; sensory issues! I cannot stand the heavy, clumpy feel on my face all the time; and besides, it’s lethal! Are you short sighted like me? Try not blinding  poking yourself in the eye with an eyeliner. And if you do, try getting the two flicks to match up! *

Largely what I use is to be comforting, and I use less and less since I left college; Lush moisturiser to control possible Acne and get rid of dry skin (ick), and Dr Paw Paw, the multi-purpose lip balm goes with me everywhere. (Because it’s a balm, not really a cosmetic: use it to control your hair, a hand cream, cheek tint, an actual lip balm, to stop your glasses rubbing…)


All over various blogs I see various reviews of the latest cosmetic… but then again, that’s something I don’t get. Why is there such hype round the latest Kylie Jenner product? Or Urban Decay? Why do they have such cult statuses? I don’t understand, and I feel like a terrible female for that.

When I write, it’s not to encourage other people to buy the product; it’s to test out whether or not it works for me as a person with Asperger’s syndrome. (As in: do you know it’s there? If not, good. Moving on…)

Untitled design

*I do wear eyeliner, as I like my eyes; they need to be emphasised just that little bit more with glasses 🙂


19 thoughts on “Femininity confession

  1. ladynimue says:

    In a way , I relate to this. I am no fan of makeup but suddenly one day I developed love for earrings. Even though my husband likes me in dressed up mode , I get into the mood and patience once in a 4 month period. But then , it has never made me feel bad. I actually used to feel odd when a friend used to say, than except crying part , I am almost a guy. That was what woke me up a bit. I am proud to be female and I do show it at times to people 😉


  2. Kanra Khan (@optic_chiasma) says:

    I think it’s important to not stereotype ourselves. There’s several shades of “girl”. I don’t apply make up at ALL (never. no eye make up, nothing) mostly because (1) I’ve never been interested in make up and (2) I’ve never been taught and I certainly don’t plan on learning just yet! However, I AM the kind of person who would be really picky with shoes. I’ll browse shoe stores and look at everything without getting bored / tired, but if you took my clothes shopping, my legs would start hurting ten minutes in the store!
    I feel like we shouldn’t let these nuances in our personalities decide how much of a female we are. Diversity is good, after all! As long as you’re comfortable doing what you’re doing, there’s no need to compare yourself. You’re perfect just the way you are!


  3. Eva says:

    You know what lovely, there is NO such thing as being a ‘bad female’ – some are super girly and love everything pink and frilly, and some are super ‘boisterous’ and enjoy football. To me, both are equally feminine. To me, being female isn’t about all that superficial stuff, its more about our compassion, our ability to listen, our more emotional nature, and so many other things. I absolutely love clothes and makeup etc, but I have friends who don’t and that doesn’t make them any less and it definitely isn’t something you should feel ashamed of. Just do you! x



  4. gingersnapps says:

    Firstly, I love dr pawpaw! It’s a must have item for me. I think this post is brilliant, I love makeup but I do feel it’s become the ‘norm’ in society to wear a face full of product. There is nothing wrong with not following trends and I totally admire you for that x


  5. Thoroughly Modern Emily says:

    While I’m personally a huge fan of frilly things (petticoats are my jam forever and ever), if they didn’t make me feel comfy and cozy, I’d avoid them like the plague. I’m not a fan of people acting like you need to conform to have a personal style, and truthfully, it sounds like you know yourself and your style better than most people do! Anyone who doesn’t like what you like can keep their opinions to themselves ❤️❤️ And if they don’t, just let them know that there’s a big mean American who’ll give them what-for if they pick on you!



  6. girlingamba says:

    I’m not big on beauty either. I mean I like to dress up and wear makeup here and there but I’m not super crazy over brands. I like what I like and I think that’s the beauty of people. Additionally, I’ve been told that I have masculine energy because I like to fix and do things for myself. I’ve just come to accept that I don’t want to change who I am to fit some ideal standard of what being a female means. I know it’s hard to not compare yourself to others (I do this so much), but everyone is different and I wouldn’t worry about feeling like you don’t fit in. Just be you!



  7. rebekahgillian says:

    I’m the complete opposite in terms of things that don’t make us feel feminine–I wear jeans and a cardigan/jumper on a daily basis because I cannot stand the feeling of dresses & skirts, but I LOVE makeup. I can’t wear as much as I’d like and I have to be really careful with the products I use because of eczema, but I wear what I can. I think it’s quite common in autistic people to not necessarily understand or relate to strict gender boundaries in the same way that non-autistic people do, so you’re definitely not the only one in this situation! 🙂


    • Mademoiselle says:

      Maybe then, therefore, that should be looked into more-be it research, etc. I was discussing with a friend about this: it’s a bit silly, I think, to associate ASD with being Transgender instantly (as in “You have Autism, therefore you must be transitioning!”), but I think the gender boundaries bit is what needs looking at more…. make sense? Writing this seems a bit mangled.


      • rebekahgillian says:

        I definitely think it’s an area that needs more research. I agree with you; I don’t think it’s right to assume that not understanding strict gender roles means that you’re automatically transgender or non-binary, because for some of us, that’s not the case. I identify as a female, and I’m quite confident/comfortable in that label. I know some autistic people refer to themselves as ‘autgender’ because they feel like their autism affects their ability to find an identity their comfortable with, but I think there’s more to it than that. Hopefully the issue can be looked into more in the future!


  8. shaunkellett says:

    I wouldn’t feel like a let down, you’re just you and just unique 🙂 Things like the latest Kylie Jenner product are just because they’re mass-marketed and overhyped, you’re just not their target audience.

    From the other side of the gender divide, I am a painfully poor example of a man. I don’t understand sports, cars or DIY, I cry during films, and my girlfriend always laughs because I can advise her in seconds on how to accessorise her outfit. I just think these ideas of Femininity and Masculinity are outdated, and often far too controlled by what big companies want us to buy.

    You do you, because it sounds like you’re doing a great job of that 😀


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