Why I use to dislike having Aspergers Syndrome. 

On this blog, I often write about my life, and how it has been impacted by being diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. Nowadays, I’m quite happy with it; it’s just a part of me what makes me ‘me’. But I really use to dislike myself because of it. For this post, I wanted to write a little bit about why I really use to dislike having this condition.
The thing that gets me is that labels can be used well; it gives you the reason as to why you need help in education. But it seemingly gives legitimation for people to be unkind; behind my back, there was apparently ‘bitch fests’ about my inability to get a joke. I would be excluded from social outings, when the very idea of them would be flouted in front of my face. I’d largely be left lonely. And that happened pretty much throughout the time in education.
Communication is also really difficult, such as with body language; I don’t know if I’ve weirded you out with my eye contact, or if you’re thinking of me as being rude because I lack it. I don’t know what an acceptable distance would be either; I find it funny now that various individuals thought I was being rude, by standing a meter away from them. I just wished not to offend!
The way that my Autism has been reacted to previously really made me dislike myself; this even dated back prior to my diagnosis. I would have loved a constant friend, and to be included in social invites.
Asperger’s is something that has allowed me to be unique, even original; I have come across one other peer who had a blog, which was regarded as a hobby. It allowed me to meet Anastacia, Brian May, Derren Brown… And I don’t regret it any more.
Lydia
XO
 

24 Comments

  1. Isabel
    July 24, 2017 / 5:08 pm

    I have to say being diagnosed last year at the old age of 27 has helped me a lot. All my life I hated myself because I saw myself as weird and different and I could never make many friends. I still have some of those feelings but now I have a reason for the way I am and it shows me I’m not weird, just different. But yeah I understand disliking yourself because of autism, but often I think it’s because of other people’s attitudes, bullying and such that we end up disliking ourselves, which is really sad. I’m glad you’re feeling a bit better about it these days.

    • July 24, 2017 / 5:16 pm

      And I think you’ve hit the nail on the head; bullies alter the perception of ourselves negatively. Thank you x

  2. July 24, 2017 / 5:16 pm

    thank you for sharing this, it is very personal and I think a lot of people who maybe have Asperger’s syndrome may feel informed by what you have written.
    Sophia xo // sophiaaaxo.com

  3. July 24, 2017 / 5:17 pm

    Thank you Jenny; that’s why I’m glad there’s such a great blog community. If we post, we raise awareness, and one day, maybe, there’ll be less ignorance xo

  4. Kayleigh Zara
    July 24, 2017 / 5:19 pm

    Thanks for sharing this, I’m so sorry that you felt that way about yourself, it’s great that your outlook on it has changed though!
    Kayleigh Zara 🌿www.kayleighzaraa.com

  5. July 24, 2017 / 5:21 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. It makes me so happy seeing that you have come to terms with it and see it as a positive (: Bullies and people who isolated you have their own insecurities and they unfairly placed these on you, keep being you and living the best way possible: knowing you are unique and amazing!
    Rumaanah

    • July 24, 2017 / 5:23 pm

      You made me tear up! Thank you for the lovely comment x

  6. July 24, 2017 / 5:28 pm

    It’s so amazing that you’re able to come to terms with it and view yourself in a positive light, great post!
    Carla x

  7. July 24, 2017 / 5:33 pm

    It’s honestly a bit amazing how certain behaviors (in general, the rudeness and social ostracism you’ve described here) are normalized when it’s neurotypical people doing them. Like, do people not recognize that talking about social events in front of someone you’re not inviting is a far worse thing than standing an odd distance away from someone? Just because something is typical, doesn’t mean it’s good! You are wonderful just as you are 💖💖
    xx
    Emily

    • July 24, 2017 / 9:04 pm

      Thank you Emily, that’s so lovely of you; sorry I didn’t see the comment until now!

  8. July 24, 2017 / 5:34 pm

    Well done for sharing your post! Its great that you’ve come to terms with everything-you’re an inspiration 💜

  9. July 24, 2017 / 5:44 pm

    I thought this would be a really upsetting post to read because I know how people struggle with labels. But I’m so glad you’ve put a positive spin on it and accept yourself <3 well done you xoxo

  10. xhighlandbeauty
    July 24, 2017 / 6:07 pm

    You are embracing Aspergers and thats inspiring!
    Well done and thank you for sharing this post.
    Heather xox

  11. GirlMasked
    July 24, 2017 / 5:51 pm

    Huge well done for sharing this. I don’t have Aspergers but I can relate to what you have said about labels and it is definitely not fair especially what you had to go through. Glad to hear you do see some positives in it too.

  12. July 25, 2017 / 8:30 am

    That’s such a beautifully amazing and inspiring outlook to have on yourself. I absolutely adore you, and your blog!! x
    Abby

  13. Patty Z
    July 31, 2017 / 8:30 pm

    Hi. I just recently found out my boyfriend has Aspergers which helps me to understand his ways. I am happy you have found contentment with who you are.

    • August 1, 2017 / 1:00 pm

      I’m glad that you can finally understand the way he is, and that he has a diagnosis 🙂

  14. That Kid with Aspergers
    August 10, 2017 / 1:43 am

    I was diagnosed at the age of 9 so I am an early diagnosis .. but I still get times where I hate my diagnosis and I hate being different

    • August 10, 2017 / 10:01 am

      Don’t hate being different; use it to your advantage!

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